Mark C
Posted on December 21 2006 8:20 PM

Is your message the following: “Accept your inner whore and let it shine?”
Your entire piece justifies the answer - “Because everybody else is doing it”.  Bravo, you turned self-destruction into a discovery process and self-expression activity. 

Our society provides for certain messaging and culture.  It continues to degenerate as we allow it to with comments such as yours.  “When in RomeÔø?” Apathetic and counterproductive.  It does not matter whether it is a girl or a boy, the excesses to which we subscribe and acquiesce these day is unfortunate and sad.

Self-discovery is an important thing—but nowhere are you entitled to be famous for it.  THAT is the problem with posting seductive photos and personal information about you.  It is not self-discovery - it is about self-aggrandizing.  “You need to look at me, I’m special”. 

Promote good parenting skills and responsibility for your children.  You Tube, My Space are not the pseudo-parents responsible for you child’s development. 

Finally, the internet is not ‘fairly safe’ to the young, developing, confused, insecure, adolescent girl or boy.  There are many monsters out there looking for your little wonderment of self-expression and make her/him grow up really, really fast and perhaps end her/his growing process all together.

“You do not have the right to know everything: you have a duty to become informed and you have the privilege to seek the truth.”

Susannah Stern
Posted on January 19 2007 1:19 AM

I am certainly not saying that girls should unleash their “inner whore.” In fact, it is exactly that type of rhetoric that I take aim at in my essay above.  I regret that you use that label, in particular, as it degrades girls who are expressing themselves in the same ways we have seen women presented in nearly every magazine, television show, ad, or film from the past 30 years.  Online girls didn’t invent the societal obsession with sexuality, nudity, and self promotion. They don’t deserve to be belittled for learning from the culture around them.

I actually don’t think you and I disagree as much as your post implies. I agree with you that the trend of self-display is concerning. I agree that parents should teach their children to be safe online and should monitor their media use. And I agree that the Internet is not entirely safe, as there are people online who are up to no good.

However, I disagree with your tactic of blaming individual girls for their lack of discretion and individual parents for being irresponsible.  Rather, I prefer to open up a debate at the institutional and cultural level.  That is to say, if we are so bothered by what teens are posting online, we might interrogate—or rebuke—the industries and systems that encourage certain behaviors (e.g., mass media, advertising, beauty industry, etc.).  Attacking individuals is the least likely tactic to affect change in the world; hundreds of years of history testify to this fact.

My essay highlighted my firm belief that teen girls are learning from their culture. During adolescence, in particular, they are actively seeking to embody the values and preoccupations they see around them.  This is normal.  We may not like what we see, but if not, let’s look to the sources of that learning, rather than attacking girls.

Mark C
Posted on January 29 2007 3:44 AM

I believe we do agree more than disagree and we can try to rebuke that which bothers us and contributes to certain behaviors, like you stated.  I understand the context in which your original post was written, and I think we agree that we should not attack the girls for mimicking what they see in everyday life. 

We have, do, and will continue to do less-than-appropriate things as young people.  However, the things we do are influenced by the strength-in-influence of our family, peers and other respected people within our community.  (I know I am not proud of certain things from my youth, but the effects, and my involvement, were minimal because of a grounding and sense of personal responsibility—also, they were not broadcast to the world.)

There have always been dangers in our lives and the responsibility lies in the home and school to teach as much as possible on how to avert and limit the effects of these dangers.  In addition, the world, and the things you contribute to it, are much more connected and readily available than before; what you do online spreads to various corners of the globe and back again, for perpetuity. 

That said, do you think a girl, who is prized for her mind, respected in her home, given confidence by her family and supported by her teachers has a better chance of looking at what society expects and simply saying ‘no’?  Do you think she has a better opportunity to decide, “This is not what I’m supposed to be”, and then try to make a difference?

My approach and my post come from a frustration that we shun personal responsibility and search for other influencers in our life to blame.  (Personal responsibility of parents, young adults and other counselors in the lives of youths.)

It does start with the individual, in the home and school, period.  If we do not teach certain behaviors at these levels, how are we to develop responsible individuals?  You cannot blame all your ills on society, at a certain point you must take responsibility for your actions and move on.

It’s not attacking individuals that I am interested in or believe in; it’s saying that responsibility ultimately lies in the individual and grounding young citizens in self-responsibility, in understanding dangers and what someone should strive to become.  These basics can help change the “normal” perception of what girls should be.

They should be contributors to the good of society and not pieces of meat to be flaunted.  Why can’t we (parents/teachers) teach them to shun the system and then “fight” the system? 

You are not going to change a system that objectifies women unless you teach the women (and men) that there is more value to life.  The system will sell ‘it’ and promote ‘it’ as long as there is an audience and willing actors on their stages. 

Start with the bricks and not the structure.